The Morality of Love
by And Equality For All
Summary: Remus questions the choices he's made. Oneshot. Read and review. C: Warning- it's sad. :'C


They'd been meeting for three months, now.

They felt so reckless, these rendezvous… a total violation of the promise they'd made to the Order: no secrets, no lies. They'd committed both, to keep seeing each other.

They would meet in random, unprotected places when they were supposed to be on-duty, risking both their own lives and the security of the Order of the Phoenix. Theses dens of vice were usually Muggle inns and motels. It felt unholy—loving in dirty, run-down places with torn wallpaper and tables bolted to the floor. But that didn't stop them. Nothing stopped them. Not the wrongness of the whole situation—risking Harry, risking the free world, risking their lives, risking everything that they stood for—they did it to give their love a small chance, before the world may end.

Remus watched over his lover as she slept at his side. They did that, at least; taking turns sleeping, so that there wasn't a vulnerable moment. Her hand his wand in one hand. The other was stroking Tonks' hair, which gradually changed color and length through the night, lazily transforming as she dreamed. He smiled, despite himself. She was darling.

But it was wrong, the whole thing. No denying that. After all, that was why he'd refused her for so long; he wasn't heartless. Far from it. He did it to protect her.

But after Bill Weasley's wedding, he saw things differently.

A lot of the guests had wondered, though they were tactful enough not to say it aloud, why Bill and Fleur bothered with a wedding, when the threat of Voldemort was so strong. Before the ceremony, Remus couldn't have answered. But he found the answer in the couple's eyes as they said their vows. What was a resistance without hope?

If he was a normal man, that would've been enough for Remus. But he wasn't. In two weeks, he would transform into a creature who knew no boundaries, no remorse. What kind of life, should they survive the coming war, could he offer her? Only one full of woe and regret, he kept trying to tell her. Each time they made love, he fought back tears of a guilty conscience. He would ruin her. But silly, stubborn Tonks… she wouldn't listen.

"You're thinking again."

Remus started, glancing down at Tonks, whose wide, owl-eyes were fixed on him, intently. He tried to smile; it came out as a grimace.

"Remus… Do you love me?" she asked slowly, looking down at the tacky bedspread.

"Of course," he answered, without pause or consideration. "That's a silly question—you know that."

Tonks sat up, nodding in full agreement. "True." She paused; Remus knew she had some kind of angle.

"Remus… Do I love you?" Her eyes met his steadily. He had to answer it.

Tonks snorted impatiently. "You know that I do. You know it."

He looked away, unable to meet her gaze.

"When you promised to give us a chance, I thought that meant that you would take me seriously. You make me feel like I'm using you. If that's the case, Remus, please tell me. I don't want to pester you—"

Remus took her in his arms, silencing her with his warm embrace. "You aren't pestering me. But I wish you were using me. Then I wouldn't worry nearly so much."

His tone was light, but there was too much truth in what he said for the conversation to dissipate. Tonks pulled away, taking his hand.

"I'm a werewolf," he informed her, his voice pleading, pleading her to understand. "You're an extraordinary woman who—"

"You're a father," Tonks divulged quietly, all her other arguments failed.

Remus' eyes filled with tears, out of shock.

"You're pregnant?" he choked, letting go of her, fully. Tonks firmly took hold of his hands, clasping them in her tiny ones.

Tonks nodded quickly, unable to gauge his reaction. She didn't have to wait long.

"How could I be so careless? The contraceptive spells—I thought we used one every time—"

"I guess we forgot, once," she mumbled, trying very hard not to cry.

"This is all my fault, the whole thing! I'm a damned fool if there ever was one—"

He quickly broke loose of her hold, finding his clothes on the floor and putting them on hurriedly.

"What are you doing?" Tonks cried out, her eyes growing wider with worry. Remus paused for a moment, looking down at her fragile figure.

"I can't do this. Get rid of the… the baby. This was a mistake."

There was a sharp crack, and the sound of a woman's sobs in room 137 of the Travelodge Inn. Somewhere, far away, Voldemort smiled.


End file.
